Resistance is ̶f̶u̶t̶i̶l̶e̶ fertile
This last week sort of disappeared into a black hole. My positive mood and focus just slid off the table onto the floor and got buried under a pile of paint studies. It's been gathering since New Year. Perhaps it's coincidence (but I think not) that the holiday period was when I set out some firm goals for this year and hence my part time job has felt onerous since January.
I’m struggling with the gap between what I want to do and the circumstances I’m presently in. I seem to be in the throes of what Stephen Pressman (The War of Art) refers to as ‘resistance’ – essentially I’m getting in my own way! But if I can take a machete to the thorny branches of doubt and muddle and clear a path to clarity, this will free up a lot of energy and provide a real surge of momentum towards my - slightly fuzzy - goals.
Nothing is bad. In fact, in many ways, this is the best position I’ve been in for ages. I have a part time job which pays my living expenses (although it frustratingly chops up my day, Monday to Friday, in a way which is not conducive to getting stuck into things that need a good block of time).
Accommodation is still a rented room but it’s a terrific room (actually roof space)! A great place for living and working – it’s the next best thing to having the studio space (shared with other artists and makers) which I lost when I had to move from Devon to ensure I had some kind of income. So, pretty good all round. But…there’s more to achieve and I haven’t quite got my head round how to balance it all out and get the energy moving again. But I will. Because I am stubborn to my core. How else did I get back to art after years of being told I wouldn't be able to do this?
Anyhow, on a practical level, I’m enjoying my new adjustable stool which just arrived. As my work table (piled up storage crates with an MDF board over the top) is a non-standard height (quite high, and I am quite short), I’ve been doing my best with makeshift seating so I can work and type on my laptop comfortably. Tried stacked crates, a rescued bar stool that was a bit too tall and 3 cushions under a yoga ball which keeps rolling away every time I lean over the table and needs re-inflating every week.
Gawd, never underestimate how important it is to be able to work comfortably.
This week I have to wait for a bright sunny morning (not today then) so I can take photos of the pieces which will submitted to the art fair. I’ve just found another one which was buried under some hand-made paper. That needs costuming then I can decide which ones to put forward. I think I need to do an artist statement too – that’s going to be way more difficult than making the work!
On the painting front, I have a little book in which I’m scribbling rough ideas for paintings and jotting down things which sound like they’d make interesting titles. Apparently titles are really important and only boring people use numbers or ‘untitled’ to identify their work...or someone who didn’t do the naming thing as they worked and now have so many pieces it was too overwhelming to decide how to name all of them (ahem). I should fix that really.
The codes I gave them was just a quick way to determine what each piece was e.g. male/female/dance/acro etc. so I could pop them on a spread sheet and quickly see which areas could do with more representation. But codes are not intriguing, no. Unless you’re a cryptographer. But then you might not be looking on a sculpture website anyway. Though who am I to suggest you wouldn’t?!
OK then, I have work to do. And some of that work is trying to relax a bit more about all of this and dropping the resentment of doing my job when I want to be doing art instead. It comes and goes, or to be more precise, I'm a lot better at home and much worse at work! Ever feel like you're your own worst enemy? But Spring is here, the blossoms are out and I think my mood is lifting a little with the brighter weather. Let's see what I can do this coming week.
