Gaining momentum...baby steps
This last week has been super busy. Checked my journal that I’ve mostly been keeping since January…mm maybe not so busy, just feels like it. Weird. So I’ve been doing more illustrations and have a growing collection now – done a few more dance ones. I like those best; they just lend themselves to the minimal line approach. A friend looked at them and said to just leave them as black on white but…I really like colour. So maybe just a swoosh of light wash somewhere…we’ll see.
Looked up the next couple of art fairs again – one in September and one in October. My boss at work has done both and they were well worth a visit. I was dithering because acceptance means about £500+ in exhibition fees, which is a lot if you don’t earn much and puts a bit of pressure on to produce enough work (that one person can physically haul to the venue via train and tube) and you know – sell that much or near enough/gain valuable feedback/follow up interest to make it a good investment.
Well, I thought while cycling in to work Tuesday afternoon (on a cycle path where daydreaming is pretty safe) if I didn’t do it this year then it’d be April 2020 for the next ones. A whole damn year of lost opportunity. Eech, that felt really bad. So I emailed both when I got home, to see if I could apply with sculpture then if I get in, show prints and canvas/print stuff as well. Answer from one is 'yes' so…I put in my application the same night cos they’re over-subscribed every time and figured I’d better get in fast to be in with a chance. Oof. How impulsive of me but that over thinkin’ thing…shouldn’t do that. So I just redrafted an artist statement, uploaded the images and hit ‘send’. Aha, the not-successful application done in April meant the slog work was already done! It was worth the fee just for that I reckon.
That’s the way to kick yourself into action sometimes. Imagine how you’d feel if you didn’t make a move. If I have another year without really getting this art thing moving I’m going to be so miserable and mad at myself at the end of the year. Why didn’t I do something? What was I holding back on? I swear I’ve actually run out of excuses, lost patience with my own procrastination and annoyed myself into doing something! You can laugh (I do), but lots of people hold back with that whole ‘I don’t know if I can do this’.
I just read The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle Laporte and she had some stuff in there which hit the spot. Bit by bit my mind set is changing. It seems like it’s not but slowly, quietly, firmly, it’s changing. I read another book at New Year on overcoming fears and though it seemed just what I needed, I wasn’t really into it because I think I’d moved past most of the stuff already but just hadn’t realised.
If you’ve been a patient soul and read any of my previous posts, you’ll know I ponder long and hard on the best thing to do, the right way to go, read lots of books and show an aptitude for making lots of art but am terrible at marketing and even worse at putting myself in front of people to sell. Most people who know me haven't seen any of my art.
It’s easy to be confident in your own corner whatever your work is. Putting yourself out in the world stirs up all the self-doubt. But these recent months of really digging in to art/life questions, making lists of ideas, imagining the possibilities – even without making firm decisions or having concrete answers – seems to have created a subtle, gradual change which has led to a moment of knowing that this is the time to leap.
I think this is ‘real world’ progress. It can be a lightning bolt of realisation but most of the time it’s about...training yourself in a way. Dreaming, imagining, writing, meditating if that’s your thing (I try, but struggle not to slide off into mentally working on a sculpture instead), thinking some more and flexing your muscles in creating a vision of where we want to be, until it feels less of a huge move and more something we are now ready to try.
The world hasn’t changed – we have. Things might not work out right away but at this point, we are more solid in how we feel about it so it doesn’t destroy confidence in one awful blow. It’s just…ok, not ideal, what can I do different next time? What’s next? What's next indeed.
