Musings on momentum

A bit behind with the new sculptures. I had to make up a new batch of pulp from scratch though I was sure I had some left over but it's hard to find anything now having packed up so much stuff. The proposed move remains a prospect shrouded in the fog of doubt when I can't work out what the government will do next and don't believe anything they say anyway.

Stay or go?

Do I stay put and see what winter brings? Having an income and knowing I have a good, secure place to live might be really important versus going all in to relocate and finding everything becomes much harder due to new directives that could stamp on an already rough economy.

There's also the fact of there being very little coming up to rent at the moment. Either folks aren't clearing filled ads or they just can't find the right person. Presentation helps. Some give you three views of the bathroom and kitchen but only a rubbish pic of one corner of the room you'll rent while some never put any images up. Others have a ton of furniture and a king size bed so there's no space to move. Fine for a hotel stay, terrible if it's where you want to live.

If it seems like I'm not being hugely productive or proactive, it's because I'm not. See first paragraph for some of the why. The whole action thing got interrupted for reasons I can't pinpoint but something blocked the flow of energy. Someone said the Covid times would emphasise where our thoughts are focused - I've lurched between having big ideas and getting super busy but indecision and doubt has certainly been at the forefront too.

My old life - when I had a low level civil service job that bored me to tears but paid for a tiny mortgage (those were the days) - was more predictable. Just running along with no particular qualms or goals, going nowhere, really. But so bored. Eventually the frustration with not knowing what I wanted instead was the reason I ditched it all and went travelling for a year. Of course there was no clear plan involved even then, beyond shaking up my life and seeing what happened next! I've done a lot of seemingly disconnected things since but a sense of clarity and sureness that yes, this is what I'm going to do and to really know it - that hasn't happened. Or it has for a little while but then, did I squash it with self doubt? Possible. Very possible.

Doubters and do-ers

This interests me. I've known a few people who don't understand such a thing. They don't doubt themselves. Ever. They turn to new pursuits or careers and simply decide this is what they're going to do for a while until they get bored and move on. They just walk in to jobs or work out along the way how to do new things but they don't worry. They never consider whether they're smart enough, capable enough or whether they have the basic qualities to learn what they want to do. They just go ahead and do it.

Imagine being like that! Can we learn this state of mind as adults? Better yet, can we teach children how to approach life like this? I wonder how much potential and talent is lying untapped because it lives in the minds of people who've been taught out of their curiosity, examined out of their ability to think critically, ridiculed out of their interests or they've never been around others they could learn from and most importantly, treat them like someone who was capable of becoming something more.

I've known far more people who put up with their less than ideal life that lacks...whatever they feel it lacks, because they think they can't do 'that' - whatever that is. This is the scourge of modern life - believing so much of what we can do or be appears to rely on other events, set ups or people. We seem to be at the mercy of whatever's happening or whoever's 'in charge' though the reality that's hard to see is, we're not.

The smart ones have worked out how to do what they do independent of all that. They don't rely on a pay cheque, don't have just one source of income and often have a broad network of friends and business acquaintances they can turn to for help or knowledge. That network will usually be people who live the same way. If life is a game, they know how it's played. And if you're going to play a game, know the rules well enough to realise when they're limiting the outcomes, when they stop serving you and start making your own.