Press Pause...again (lol)

It's been too long since I logged in to this site, dropped anything on the blog, posted any new work (there's actually been some) or generally spent much time contemplating my future + creativity. Yesterday I had a Wix email as the subscription payment for another year was due. Decision time.

First, a quick recap. Can't remember when I last did any sculpting. Must be over a year now. I have done some painting. A large, slightly abstract octopus acrylic for a friend, and a variation on that along with a seriously colourful parrot and gecko since I was on a tiny roll with the paint. Mr Octopus is on a gallery wall and it seems young children run to look at it. But pocket money won't cover the modest price so maybe a parent or grand parent will oblige. I just like that they like it and it was fun to do.

I've done a couple of hand made book projects and an intro to book making workshop for home educated teens as well, which was semi chaotic but seemed to go down well enough.

Done a lot of writing on Substack and managed to post every week for over a year on an array of topics. I like the process of putting a piece together but is it a passion? No, hate the term anyway. Overused and annoying. There's plenty of things I enjoy doing but nothing is a passion (maybe that's the real reason I dislike the word). I have spurts of artistic momentum then it fizzles and leads to much dithering, pondering and beating over head of self for not getting on with it.

Which is where I am now. Part way through a belongings clear out which includes being ruthless about the boxes of craft and 'that could be used for something' odds and ends arty people tend to accumulate. Just in case. A couple of dozen square canvases, bought on offer for abstracts, some still in their wrapping take up a corner of my rented room. Four storage cubes hold acrylics, mediums and metallic paints and leaf. Ridiculous.

I've briefly pondered what it might do for my frame of mind were I to sell on the canvases, donate all the tubes of acrylic colours I don't use, and ditto for the collection of paint brushes, pastels and pens in boxes and pads of watercolour and drawing paper stacked under my work table. There's a fair bit and it feels like a mental burden having it there, taking up head space with the thought I should be using it and being a real artist.

I do the same with the books and clothes in storage bags (they got a good clear out last month which felt great). So, what if? Twenty years ago I donated a pile of language books to charity having never really got going with that project and realising it would never happen. It was a great weight off my mind when they were gone.

There's nothing wrong with having a myriad of interests if it works for you but sometimes they and their clutter are an enormous distraction from the focus needed to sort through what you want and get to where you're going. Assuming you ever work out where that is. It's been a life long, meandering and frustrating search and after a recent big birthday I'm putting even more pressure on to sort myself out!

My second mini job coaching gymnastics is off for school hols now so I have two weeks of extra time to work through the tangle of thoughts. If anyone chances on this site, consider it resting rather than laid to rest 😆.

So, the canvases and paint stay because the creative spirit will return, as it always does. The website however, is converting to the free version, not least because it's a chunk of change I can't really justify given where things sit at the moment. At least that's one decision made.